I don't blame you not to have the courage to call me
Send me a selfie I'll sext you right back
I tried callin' ya back but I've a bar and a half
Dare I ask ya did you keep that landline?
Wrote a letter by hand, put a koan at the end
[You know they say koans drive people crazy and I thought it might just drive us crazy for one another]
I'm a Romeo romancer she's a woo-woo-woman let's start dating
Time came, time went, to the city I was left
[Though I was never much scared of concrete]
Kept you in my heart right from the very start, girl I know you're reading me
Somehow with my letters got us pregnant man
[They say the pen is mightier than the -]
How it happened I don't know, she's a virgin, I been hella celibate
I don't blame you not to have the courage to call me
Send me a selfie I'll sext you right back
I tried callin' ya back but I've a bar and a half
Dare I ask ya did you keep that landline?
Set a meeting place at three like my mother used to teach
[This of course in the time long before smartphones]
Stood around 'til three-fifteen she ain't coming on the scene, I'm off again
I had good sense and I had a pen and it was red
[Although I draw terrible hearts I do have stanzas]
I left you a note you know what happened my old lady neighbor got it
But really I-
Don't blame you not to have the courage to call me
Send me a selfie it's as simple as that
I called cryin' and trashed no matter where you was at
You'd hit ignore and in the phonebook no more
I threw that phone in the river it'd never swum
[In retrospect that was irrational and ill-advised]
Now I got one of those phantom rings it's ringin' and ring ring ring ring I hate it
I even gave you a self-addressed envelope with a forever stamp
[I told you where I live and I don't tell everyone that]
You're a hotshot I'm a long-shot, nothin' we can do cause no one's shootin'
So adieu madame to the woman I never met
[You know I can always wait for the next one I guess]
But when I'm an old man four cats and a van my online dating profile can't fail me...except maybe it will...
But I don't
I don't blame a lot cause there's an ocean in between us
But you got sails so just watch that wind for me
I can't shake the thought that there's a way that we can beat this
Send me a signal and I'll build you a tower
Someday the sunflower
Will sow its seeds to the earth
Might you be there diggin' my land honey
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